I'm not in my happy place.

Yesterday I was at work and thinking that I really need to get back to exercising. I was in a pretty good mood, right up until I went to the restroom and someone that I've seen around before, but don't personally know, asked me when the 'big event' was. I was stunned. I acted like I didn't hear her and left the restroom, but I could feel the swell of hysteria bubbling up. I held it off until I left work and met my husband in a parking lot to switch cars, at which point I burst into tears and sobbed. The thing is, I can't be outraged. I can't be angry. There is no denying that the way I carry my weight makes me appear to be pregnant, so I can't exactly get mad at the woman for saying something that was just meant to show an interest.

Trouble is, I can't seem to get out of my funk. I couldn't sleep last night and today I'm under a black cloud, no matter how much I try to pull myself out of it. I didn't go to Curves today because I didn't have the energy, even though I logically know that if that's the stick I use to measure I'll never go back to Curves, because when I stop exercising my energy level drops off to nothing. And so my new task is to dredge up the energy to start yet again...

*sigh*

Checking In After a Long Silence

Date	10/12/09
Pre-Workout Heart Rate	N/A
Blood Pressure	N/A
Bust	43
Waist	39.5
Abdomen	44.5
Hips	50
Thighs	24
Arms	12.5
Weight	238
Body Fat	43.6%
BMI	39.6

I was shocked to see that I'd lost both weight and inches! Walking seems to have awakened my metabolism and even though I feel like I'm as big and flabby as ever, it seems that the scale and tape measure say differently! I'm really happy about that and I'm hoping to find inspiration in my success.

I'm thinking about what I eat and trying not to beat myself up too badly when I falter. I'm still staying up too late so that's my next goal, and I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in the mental challenges of weight loss. I know I've said it before, but I really wish that Curves offered weight loss counseling.